Special

I wanted to talk about Finley, here. I want to talk about how we met...

Homecoming. I was so lonely, I didn't have a date or even friends who wanted to go with me. Liz and Adam were going. Liz wasn't even going to dress up, and I wasn't standing for that. I was going to dress her up. But by some miracle, Kate Murley and Katie Gundlach (Kate dressed for fire in that bright, red wig) took me to Subway. It's clear that things had been going well--Kate hadn't poisoned Katie overly recently--and they were there with Kya and... someone else? Whoever the pair was, they were not polite. They were rude to call things 'awkward', to understate the poison.

Katie had been hurt already. Not as much as she is now, not even close to healing like I hope she is now, but we still talked once in awhile. We'd had a conversation and I'd stayed up half the night taking notes for her on a very boring, very long paper. Good notes, too. Subject line and everything.

But Kate knew when I defended their relationship from Kya. She knew what I'd been saying to Katie. One of the first times I'd trusted somebody since Adam... since Liz... and now...

I ripped up those notes in the garbage at Subway. Reapplied my makeup, and acted happy. When Katie got there, I asked about my birthday party. She said, of course I'll come. She forgot, but that's okay. We're close now. I was wrong, we sorted this all out later. She didn't know everything. I wonder now if I helped them re-fuel the poison, and hope I'm wrong.

Katie knew my secret. Katie knew what I was involved in, and she didn't believe me. I'm not sure she ever did. A strange number. "Lady Eliac speaking." Everybody laughed, but I couldn't chance it. If it were Lord Ignio, Lord Orannis.... if it were Faris Nightshade...
"Hello? This is Finley." Finley?
"Who?" But I knew. This was the blond-boy. This was the boy I'd loved from the first moment I'd seen him for his careful walk, his gentle smile.
"Um, Finley Wiese?"
"Oh. What's wrong?"
"I was just wondering... if you had someone to go with?" Go with?
"To what?"
"...Homecoming?" My heart skipped a beat. I stopped breathing. Three more beats. Handsome boy...liked me? We worked out the specifics, and I was awed the rest of the day.
Homecoming night. The whole school was in chaos--
And Elizabeth was at my house. It broke my heart to see someone I was so similar with was better than I was, and she had to be, didn't she? Adam loved her.
He hadn't done anything to me but tricked me into what he wanted. Not all the way, but close.
I coaxed her into makeup. I coaxed her into a beautiful outfit I'd coaxed her into bringing.
She was the sun, but I was the moon.
Finley's car pulled up. He got out of the car, walked up to the door. Mom took pictures of my outfit, cooing all the way. A black shirt... tight, tight pants... high shoes.... carefully bound hair... a decently sculpted face... curled hair.
Finley took me to the car. He opened my door. Riley was in the back seat, silent, eying me and then Finley and then me again, as though to say, "Really? This is who you picked?"
From the moment I saw him, I felt different. Like I were myself again, like I'd been before Azra--Ryan. I didn't notice that, though. I tried hard to fit in. I laughed, I smiled, and I danced... I danced! I was everywhere, like the moon should be. Like I were playing a part. I lived life like a role, didn't I? I could do that.
We took a break, and I didn't vomit when Adam introduced his Beau. The polite chit-chat felt like swallowing poison, and I wanted to get away. I did, too--for the first slow dance.
Not the second, though. Walking back towards the hall, Liz stops me, asking if there's someone from the Roses here. I give the correct answer--no--and see Katie. A green dress. A warm, full smile. Beautiful red hair.
She was really, heart-wrenchingly beautiful. The whole room breathed to be near her. How could Kate leave somewhere like her? Hurt someone whose whole soul seeped devotion and life? Really, really hurt them?

How could anyone?

Finley found me by the second slow dance, his arms wrapped closer and closer around me. Our faces inches apart, his eyes in mine in the crappy high school dance lighting as a song from Lighthouse played. At that moment, I knew he loved me.

He wouldn't talk to me again for two months.

I was a pick-a-little lady. Remember that? The big hat? So.. was Cierra. I had no outstanding objective about her. I thought she was a little bit flirt-hungry (starved, perhaps). Always complaining about poor Finley. I kept my mouth shut; what one night of dances can speak for the soul of men? She was very jealous of me. You could see it in the tilt of her head and the venom of her criticism. I don't know why, but she wanted to be me. I spent a lot of time with Tessa and Lauren. They were so gentle and sweet, it was impossible to disagree with them.

The show opened. John and I had had our tryst, and I was tired of playing a game I knew I'd win. Even knowing I'd win, it didn't matter. He still wanted to play, and he loved me. More than Finley did. Total, life-driven devotion to this strange, soul-singing witch.

And that's all I was to him, you know. A witch.

Finley was at the show while Cierra whined and hurt him, was rude to him, told me that I took what she loved from her, tripped me on stage. And in-between the scenes, there was Finley... waiting, smiling, camera in-hand and the press pass hanging around his neck. The long coat. I was in love with the Romanticism and couldn't stay away. I promised myself I would be minimal interference.

He remembered me. "Payton!" We talked. I can't remember about what, I do know he interviewed me with a tape recorder about what I thought of the show. I remember glancing at Cierra nervously as she shot frozen nails into my exposed neck. I remember smiling the nicer Finley was to me. And then Cierra flirted, and Finley looked at her, smiled hopefully...

I walked away.

I wouldn't talk to him again for three weeks.

He called me. I was downstairs, reception was shit. I heard the opening. And, racing up the stairs, the next thing I understood was.... "And that's why relationships are difficult." I spent ten minutes telling Finley--who seemed to want to tell me something--he could come over, yes, I was sure, it was all right. We watched Monty Python, and then we decided to talk.

Well, he talked. I listened.

He was confused. Cierra had treated him like shit, and he'd remembered me. He'd remembered how ''gentle'' and ''sweet'' I was, how ''different''.... I remembered being the moon... I told him that whatever he did, he'd be all right to me.

The next time Cierra broke him, he was mine.

He had a lot of cracks to fix, Finley did. Largest among them was self-hatred instilled by Kate. Not Katie's Kate, a different one. This Kate had.... had really torn him. His every thought, initially, was for her, and it took a lot of work to help him. A lot of work to put him back together. Finley said I saved him....

I saw him fall. I went through humiliation for him. Went through pain and loneliness for him. I told him everything, and he believed it. He had the whole truth. He held me when everybody else told me to grow up, grow up when my heart was broken.

Now I'm an expense to him. I fixed him, and he loves me, and it's going to work out. God wouldn't give me a miracle like this just to take it away, and I trust Him.

I love Finley. I love the sound of Mrs. Payton Wiese...