Zach says:
"She'd always tried to face towards the light. She'd always tried to face towards the light. But the harder you stared into the brightness the harsher it burned into you until, at last, the temptation picked you up and bid you turn around to see how long, rich, strong and dark, streaming away behind you, your shadow had become..."
Lady says:
...That's so beautiful.
Zach says:
"Supposing there was justice for all, after all? For every unheeded beggar, every harsh word, every neglected duty, every slight... every choice... Because that was the point, wasn't it? You had to choose. You might be right, you might be wrong, but you had to choose, knowing that the rightness or wrongness might never be clear or even that you were deciding between two sorts of wrong
that there was no right anywhere. And always, always, you did it by yourself. You were the one there, on the edge, watching and listening. Never any tears, never any apology, never any regrets... You saved all that up in a way that could be used when needed."
Monday, January 30, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wild: 1/27 Revel
Welcome back, ladies and Gentlemen. Trials for the darken-touch are to be held this evening; the Council is to revert to Order. After that I want no separation. Tonight, let us be a people again; unbroken and--for the first time in a long while--safe from our enemies.
Thanks to the many of you who attended the Grey Spins this past few days, they have been most enjoyable, though I regret I was not able to walk among you. I fear I value the... part of you... you've shown the past week too much to see it by some fluke of peace.
Forgive me that pride, brothers, sisters.
Tonight, barring a visit from my fellow Splinter, now recognized by all last I heard; I will be attending the Revel.
The theme is not spoken for; I leave it in the capable hands of the people. My heart is too wearied to do much else. Welcome with kindness, not weariness, the advances of our lost and fallen; even be they returned to us after too long a course. Far be it from you, my people, to deny of these Odyseuses the welcome their Penelope's would've wanted; or, be you too afraid to be effeminate, the welcome their sons would've wanted.
I welcome them home from a conflict drawn from the sufferings of my own heart, and I expect you--all of you--to do as I have done; may I assure you it was not done without pain.
Many of you may be aware that Lord Azrael's magic, title, and position has been stripped him by the accords drawn from recent events. The rumors circulating are true, and I am sorry to those of you, who, like me, loved him.
I loved him with my heart, my power over rain and wave, my smile and my flickering laugh. I loved him, and I paid him his due honor as a soldier. No matter what may be said of me, he left our world as a hero. May tonight the throne of his Lordship burn as a tribute; so that no lesser man may seat himself that throne after tonight.
The People are expected to provide their own chair; he or she with the best reason for their seat's selection will receive the honor of Reason tomorrow.
Yes, yes. For I would keep my promises onto you. I would be a fool to not spread my arms wide and embrace the loyalty every one among you has shown me this past year, in addition to the protections you have attributed me to the best of your abilities. From the deepest of my too-dwelling heart, I thank you. Take, with some comfort, my sincerity in this, for it is all I have to offer you.
I am a shipwrecked woman with Lord Azrael's court disassembled. Many have fallen and my heart cries for those men and women, noble all, among that number.
Listen you well: Lady Leona Bones and I are under Courtship. It is my honor that she, too has attempted within the best of her abilities to protect me the Dark Thralls of the fallen's courts, recall you all that truth.
It is whispered among many of you that I would take her as more than consort, but Queen, to rule at my side for whatever of my reign remains before God.
So not let this be true. While I would, and this do I say openly, renounce every title and power have I for her favor, it is not in her heart or eyes to give it to me without the doubt to which you all have played partiality to. Ergo, no such relationship exists. While she is my Favored one, the Star-Touched, the Soul-dancer, the blue-in-the-eye, she is not meant for the pressures of your hands, my darlings.
Her heart is free as the capriciousness of my Power or the smiles of the dead, the sun that doesn't rise or the moon that doesn't shine, the music that stays mute. For every kindness she has done me, you feel you owe her obligation, and you are right to think that.
However, she owes me nothing, and I do not expect any more manipulation, no matter how kindly meant, on my behalf. I deserve no such kindness. Let the truth of my words ring in your ears on this beloved and happy night. May all of you dance through life as you do on the floor, and I pray the world is half as ready for you as you are for it.
Amin mela lle.
Aqe Vale!
Thanks to the many of you who attended the Grey Spins this past few days, they have been most enjoyable, though I regret I was not able to walk among you. I fear I value the... part of you... you've shown the past week too much to see it by some fluke of peace.
Forgive me that pride, brothers, sisters.
Tonight, barring a visit from my fellow Splinter, now recognized by all last I heard; I will be attending the Revel.
The theme is not spoken for; I leave it in the capable hands of the people. My heart is too wearied to do much else. Welcome with kindness, not weariness, the advances of our lost and fallen; even be they returned to us after too long a course. Far be it from you, my people, to deny of these Odyseuses the welcome their Penelope's would've wanted; or, be you too afraid to be effeminate, the welcome their sons would've wanted.
I welcome them home from a conflict drawn from the sufferings of my own heart, and I expect you--all of you--to do as I have done; may I assure you it was not done without pain.
Many of you may be aware that Lord Azrael's magic, title, and position has been stripped him by the accords drawn from recent events. The rumors circulating are true, and I am sorry to those of you, who, like me, loved him.
I loved him with my heart, my power over rain and wave, my smile and my flickering laugh. I loved him, and I paid him his due honor as a soldier. No matter what may be said of me, he left our world as a hero. May tonight the throne of his Lordship burn as a tribute; so that no lesser man may seat himself that throne after tonight.
The People are expected to provide their own chair; he or she with the best reason for their seat's selection will receive the honor of Reason tomorrow.
Yes, yes. For I would keep my promises onto you. I would be a fool to not spread my arms wide and embrace the loyalty every one among you has shown me this past year, in addition to the protections you have attributed me to the best of your abilities. From the deepest of my too-dwelling heart, I thank you. Take, with some comfort, my sincerity in this, for it is all I have to offer you.
I am a shipwrecked woman with Lord Azrael's court disassembled. Many have fallen and my heart cries for those men and women, noble all, among that number.
Listen you well: Lady Leona Bones and I are under Courtship. It is my honor that she, too has attempted within the best of her abilities to protect me the Dark Thralls of the fallen's courts, recall you all that truth.
It is whispered among many of you that I would take her as more than consort, but Queen, to rule at my side for whatever of my reign remains before God.
So not let this be true. While I would, and this do I say openly, renounce every title and power have I for her favor, it is not in her heart or eyes to give it to me without the doubt to which you all have played partiality to. Ergo, no such relationship exists. While she is my Favored one, the Star-Touched, the Soul-dancer, the blue-in-the-eye, she is not meant for the pressures of your hands, my darlings.
Her heart is free as the capriciousness of my Power or the smiles of the dead, the sun that doesn't rise or the moon that doesn't shine, the music that stays mute. For every kindness she has done me, you feel you owe her obligation, and you are right to think that.
However, she owes me nothing, and I do not expect any more manipulation, no matter how kindly meant, on my behalf. I deserve no such kindness. Let the truth of my words ring in your ears on this beloved and happy night. May all of you dance through life as you do on the floor, and I pray the world is half as ready for you as you are for it.
Amin mela lle.
Aqe Vale!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Wild: Sopa sucks
Last night I had a low.
And Finley said, "anything that a Knight may do for his queen, he will do."
he meant it to be sweet
he meant it ot be kindly
but all I can think about
is Ryan,
saying,
"What would consider good a Knight
that will not serve a perfect queen?"
I know my choice.
And Finley said, "anything that a Knight may do for his queen, he will do."
he meant it to be sweet
he meant it ot be kindly
but all I can think about
is Ryan,
saying,
"What would consider good a Knight
that will not serve a perfect queen?"
I know my choice.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Wild: My poor, misguided Earth; three times in Love with me
Lady says:
It's all.
I just wanted to tell you that your Seat... it's always open for you.
That there is always a place in my heart for you.
That you kept the human in me a live a really long time
and I don't forget that merely because of proximity or that we've grown closer to the stars in our heavens.
That has not--never will be--my nature, Elizabeth.
I hurt you.
I didn't realize it, and I have feared to discuss it you, but I did, Elizabeth.
Aary says:
You noticed?
Lady says:
I didn't mean to.
Please, God, tell me you know that?
Aary says:
I'm not going to lie.
I hated you.
Hated you for hurting me over and over and not realizing it even.
Lady says:
I didn't understand, Elizabeth.
I was too young.
Aary says:
We lost the excuse of youth at 18.
I've made mistakes and I've hurt many people, but I can't hide behind youth.
El, the only reason I didn't completely cut my ties to you was become a small part of me watned to believe you really didn't mean to hurt me.
Lady says:
The idea that anyone could love me.... really love me.... after....
Aary says:
*deep breath*
Lady says:
I couldn't wrap my head around it.
I still can't.
Aary says:
I let go of my hate.
Lady says:
I wasn't ready for you.
Aary says:
*presses a finger to your lips*
My time to talk. You listen. Then you talk. behind youth.
That time has come and gone.
Right now, I see you as my Sister. My element Sister, as you have been for me for many ages.
I hope can accept that.
Lady says:
You know I can.
Elizabeth, please know.... I never meant to hurt you.
Aary says:
I hope you mean that.
Lady says:
...There are things that I tell you without the taste of immortality on my lips, or knowledge graved in my glass-colored eyes. There are things I say
which are human
and this is one: I love you. I will always love you.
But I couldn't understand, couldn't accept, that you; you who knew my monsters, could love me that way.
And when I did understand.... I had just met Finley, and...
Aary says:
And he was your prince charming.
Lady says:
I expected you to take me. Take what you want.
Win me.
ary says:
...dearest, I am *not* a prince.
I will not duel another person over your heart.
Lady says:
I loved you.
Aary says:
Who you give it to is your choice.
And I appreciate it.
Lady says:
*Takes hand and presses it to her face* And my choice.... is to love you.
My choice.....
Is to have you forgive me one day, to earn back your trust.
For now...
I have my vampires to slay, and a nobility to uproar.
Aary says:
Sounds fun.
Lady says:
IF you're near Madison and desire a Revel, it's at a bar/club called Chrome.
Google it, it's a well-known Vampyre bar.
Don't come alone if you go, and warn them.
Your company.
But by God, we're discussing this later.
For a long time.
Aary says:
Unlikely I ever will, but you never kno.
Lady says:
Because I need to talk to you about this.
And you, you need to tell me about it too.
Aary says:
....what's "it"?
Lady says:
Your heart.
My heart.
And the future.
Aary says:
A roomate without alergies hopefully...
I want my herb garden!
I miss my babies...;
It's all.
I just wanted to tell you that your Seat... it's always open for you.
That there is always a place in my heart for you.
That you kept the human in me a live a really long time
and I don't forget that merely because of proximity or that we've grown closer to the stars in our heavens.
That has not--never will be--my nature, Elizabeth.
I hurt you.
I didn't realize it, and I have feared to discuss it you, but I did, Elizabeth.
Aary says:
You noticed?
Lady says:
I didn't mean to.
Please, God, tell me you know that?
Aary says:
I'm not going to lie.
I hated you.
Hated you for hurting me over and over and not realizing it even.
Lady says:
I didn't understand, Elizabeth.
I was too young.
Aary says:
We lost the excuse of youth at 18.
I've made mistakes and I've hurt many people, but I can't hide behind youth.
El, the only reason I didn't completely cut my ties to you was become a small part of me watned to believe you really didn't mean to hurt me.
Lady says:
The idea that anyone could love me.... really love me.... after....
Aary says:
*deep breath*
Lady says:
I couldn't wrap my head around it.
I still can't.
Aary says:
I let go of my hate.
Lady says:
I wasn't ready for you.
Aary says:
*presses a finger to your lips*
My time to talk. You listen. Then you talk. behind youth.
That time has come and gone.
Right now, I see you as my Sister. My element Sister, as you have been for me for many ages.
I hope can accept that.
Lady says:
You know I can.
Elizabeth, please know.... I never meant to hurt you.
Aary says:
I hope you mean that.
Lady says:
...There are things that I tell you without the taste of immortality on my lips, or knowledge graved in my glass-colored eyes. There are things I say
which are human
and this is one: I love you. I will always love you.
But I couldn't understand, couldn't accept, that you; you who knew my monsters, could love me that way.
And when I did understand.... I had just met Finley, and...
Aary says:
And he was your prince charming.
Lady says:
I expected you to take me. Take what you want.
Win me.
ary says:
...dearest, I am *not* a prince.
I will not duel another person over your heart.
Lady says:
I loved you.
Aary says:
Who you give it to is your choice.
And I appreciate it.
Lady says:
*Takes hand and presses it to her face* And my choice.... is to love you.
My choice.....
Is to have you forgive me one day, to earn back your trust.
For now...
I have my vampires to slay, and a nobility to uproar.
Aary says:
Sounds fun.
Lady says:
IF you're near Madison and desire a Revel, it's at a bar/club called Chrome.
Google it, it's a well-known Vampyre bar.
Don't come alone if you go, and warn them.
Your company.
But by God, we're discussing this later.
For a long time.
Aary says:
Unlikely I ever will, but you never kno.
Lady says:
Because I need to talk to you about this.
And you, you need to tell me about it too.
Aary says:
....what's "it"?
Lady says:
Your heart.
My heart.
And the future.
Aary says:
A roomate without alergies hopefully...
I want my herb garden!
I miss my babies...;
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wild: 1/19
Theme: Fy Rhos
Music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dnednyiyh4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6TDeX3qKVA&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ElP-7_D4Jo&list=LLhefLDkYwWZ1_EfSVu6X5gQ&index=5&feature=plpp_video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XX8lsD1HmMg&feature=BFa&list=LLhefLDkYwWZ1_EfSVu6X5gQ&lf=plpp_video
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hurts/sunday.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNHUu2oY3nc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyFVG4VfPmg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anzxUmPfWGw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCVrNz3fQAw&feature=BFa&list=HL1326998203&lf=mh_lolz
Six Pence Non the Richer - Kiss me
Dracula, Prolog, Austrian Cast
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMBY-jMn4yg&list=LLhefLDkYwWZ1_EfSVu6X5gQ&feature=mh_lolz
Two loves be one - Tristan and Isolde
The world above -TLM
So on so forth. No feeding, this evening, is to take place away from the tables by Azrael; even then, just enough to keep him balanced. I don't want any more seditionary-hostage-situation-mishaps under your watch, or there'll be my foot up your ass instead.
The idea and the feeling of me and my Element, Henri. See it is done appropriately, I know I can trust you with it.
Lots of blues, lots of swishy fabrics and hanging things and maybe a few fountains. Nice location this time too.
All right. Barring again a human,
I'll see you all tonight.
Aqe Vale
Music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dnednyiyh4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6TDeX3qKVA&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ElP-7_D4Jo&list=LLhefLDkYwWZ1_EfSVu6X5gQ&index=5&feature=plpp_video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XX8lsD1HmMg&feature=BFa&list=LLhefLDkYwWZ1_EfSVu6X5gQ&lf=plpp_video
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/hurts/sunday.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNHUu2oY3nc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyFVG4VfPmg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anzxUmPfWGw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCVrNz3fQAw&feature=BFa&list=HL1326998203&lf=mh_lolz
Six Pence Non the Richer - Kiss me
Dracula, Prolog, Austrian Cast
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMBY-jMn4yg&list=LLhefLDkYwWZ1_EfSVu6X5gQ&feature=mh_lolz
Two loves be one - Tristan and Isolde
The world above -TLM
So on so forth. No feeding, this evening, is to take place away from the tables by Azrael; even then, just enough to keep him balanced. I don't want any more seditionary-hostage-situation-mishaps under your watch, or there'll be my foot up your ass instead.
The idea and the feeling of me and my Element, Henri. See it is done appropriately, I know I can trust you with it.
Lots of blues, lots of swishy fabrics and hanging things and maybe a few fountains. Nice location this time too.
All right. Barring again a human,
I'll see you all tonight.
Aqe Vale
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Wild: Revel 1/18
Theme: Sil Ilyium
Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0i6YFrSs6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0HZaNzvFyk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfsMAMrUYMM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3BvW56tjB0&feature=endscreen&NR=1
Henri, for music, I want a combination of Hurts and the slow. I want the fast freedom, the peace we're to enjoy now that he's gone--but I would not have him dishonored. Pray, see you to that accord. He is allowed to Roam as a ghost for a fortnight among our court; but bar him from speaking in the Council Chambers on business. I will allow him his Requiescat in Pace, but mind how far he goes with it. If he should speak aloud this evening, I would show the faces of his followers. Please, place Nephamael on that accord.
Highest honor this evening to Lord and Lady Fire-heart, who will not be with us a time. There is no reward too great for their flawless class and prestige throughout these trying times. For every action they betrayed my crown with, I would see them forgiven, and reward them for that turmoil, which surely they have suffered.
I will see both of them crowned with the Golden Wreath upon their return; and let no man disturb that peace henceforth. Any gifts I receive until that time, give unto them, and may the People know of the struggles from their Council to keep the White Thorn safe from the frost.
Business: None. The Council shall each wear black this evening in mourning for the loss of the greatest nobility of our time, my Equal and enemy King, Lord Azrael. Raised high will our glasses be to his honor, with the traditional song and words.
Lord Azrael is to be made aware of an offer to a dance from the Clouds in that song's entirety with me. Nor is he to be harmed.
Barring the visit of my love, I will see you all in victory tonight. May our valor outlast our tears for our fallen, and our own regrets.
Aqe Vale!
Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0i6YFrSs6c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0HZaNzvFyk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfsMAMrUYMM&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3BvW56tjB0&feature=endscreen&NR=1
Henri, for music, I want a combination of Hurts and the slow. I want the fast freedom, the peace we're to enjoy now that he's gone--but I would not have him dishonored. Pray, see you to that accord. He is allowed to Roam as a ghost for a fortnight among our court; but bar him from speaking in the Council Chambers on business. I will allow him his Requiescat in Pace, but mind how far he goes with it. If he should speak aloud this evening, I would show the faces of his followers. Please, place Nephamael on that accord.
Highest honor this evening to Lord and Lady Fire-heart, who will not be with us a time. There is no reward too great for their flawless class and prestige throughout these trying times. For every action they betrayed my crown with, I would see them forgiven, and reward them for that turmoil, which surely they have suffered.
I will see both of them crowned with the Golden Wreath upon their return; and let no man disturb that peace henceforth. Any gifts I receive until that time, give unto them, and may the People know of the struggles from their Council to keep the White Thorn safe from the frost.
Business: None. The Council shall each wear black this evening in mourning for the loss of the greatest nobility of our time, my Equal and enemy King, Lord Azrael. Raised high will our glasses be to his honor, with the traditional song and words.
Lord Azrael is to be made aware of an offer to a dance from the Clouds in that song's entirety with me. Nor is he to be harmed.
Barring the visit of my love, I will see you all in victory tonight. May our valor outlast our tears for our fallen, and our own regrets.
Aqe Vale!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Wild: the Masquerade, revisited
Last night, I was wrapped in myself. My heart ached for a boy I won’t see as a monster. I was watching movies like The Holiday and A Walk in the Clouds and holding myself. Sometimes I put my head on my chest so I could hear a heartbeat, which helped me. I pictured it was someone else‘s blood beating, someone I loved. Someone good, someone decent.
I closed my eyes.
Oh. I’m also talking to Katie.
There’s a Bargain proposed by Dyrim: she’ll give Ryan back to me if I slash myself with a dagger and bid him drink. I didn’t know what to do.
Have you made a decision?
She asked me that. Like I’d know.
I’m not sure. I don’t want to go. But I can save him.
Get sedition before you let him drink. Also can he claim to be a splinter or something crazy powerful from drinking your blood?
She'd broken a rule and double texted, her next being:
Decisions decisions. Do you have guards covering your back? Can they protect you past what you’re agreed to?
I…. don’t want to let him. Politically it is correct for me to go. But I don’t…. think he deserves my blood. Not after what he just did to me.
Then don’t agree to the offer. I agree with you. No blood.
He’d have my powers again…. Like nothing happened. He could rule me again, own me again. But he’d be safe. But he…. He would….
I can’t finish the sentence.
Oh hell no.
He made me a promise on the fifth of January. Thursday, that Thursday. I can’t let him keep it. I won’t… let him…. I can’t keep…. Poisoning him, Katie.
The Holiday is getting to a close. I get hopeful. Maybe the world isn’t so bad. …Commercials. I remember his last visit, sobbing for me; begging me to stay.
To me it sounds like he has something to do with this bargain. As in he’s using your need to save him get exactly what he wants.
She’s read the past text of mine now. Her next text is,
The promise being?
He said he’d… negated.. The more… enjoyable… parts of… Sedition. He… intended… to use it more often.
Yeah. Fuck no.
Thank you. I feel the same way.
And now… now… he manipulates my heart… as a human man. He may need me, but I… I can’t put myself through that. Not again. Christ… not again….
My tears are collecting, klink, klink, in the bucket of suckiness. I pick up my phone and continue,
I feel so alone, Katie. I know that’s stupid, and his fault, but… I do. I am doing the right thing. I know I am.
As in not doing it.
Yes. No knife shall touch my skin, no lips shall take my soul from me, on his behalf tonight. Even if I feel heartbroken. He made my own heartbreak my fault.
Not your fault good choice thank you
Mm. No punctuation, no capitalization? She’s entertaining or asleep. Given this is a text conversation, if I said she were entertaining it’d end up seeming I was jealous. I don’t want that.
I know I’m doing the right thing, but this hurts. I feel so alone. Your weakling human girl is three inches from a breakdown… but it’s at least one in the right direction. Now you sleep, yes? You live in hope for me.
I’m on a rant now. We selfish bitches, we do that.
Thanks to stupid Roses I’ll be here, admit to broken, and watch bad romance movies. Nineteen… so sleep. I’m safe from everyone but this room.
A Walk in the Clouds is on. I’m watching Keanu Reeves get off the boat from war, struggling with his inner monster. His wife, met the night before he departed for war, is beautiful, empty-headed, and cruel, with no interest in his dreams or hopes.
He gets on a train to sell chocolates. There’s another, more gentle beauty there with a slow, soft smile….
I’m sorry everything sucks. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.
I deserved that. I did ask her to attend to her business. The right thing to do, I had just done. I fought off the lump in my throat and the tears on my cheeks.
That isn’t true. I have you. Goodnight, Katie. I love you.
I mean what I say. Because even when I’m hurt, even if she was just talking to me for a minute, she was there. My heart heals itself when she’s with me.
I’ll be up if you need anything.
Huh. The Superhero complex is kicking in, and she’s not here. I had this big speech prepared on why she didn’t need to come, too. Shit, I must be interrupting something important.
Not unless you, too desire bad romance films and mint flavored trees. Go on. Sleep.
I’m only joking halfway.
I’m hanging with a friend until morning so…
So hang with your friend. I won’t pry someone else of your company. Just… a human girl is all. I’m not in danger. Listening to an Italian waltz and missing a man who doesn’t exist.
Not anymore.
Girl, I owe alligence to you. What I can offer I will.
Well helloooo there, Rose language. Way to be! I’ve decided I like your friend if they wake this in you, even if they aren't reading your shoulder enough to correct your spelling of allegiance.
I shan’t tear you from your company. No danger, no bitemarks. All’s well. Go have fun. Live. One of us oughta. And one of these day’s we’re watching A Walk in the Clouds.
Because that song reminds me of you.
What’s that about?
A woman meets a solider. Pregnant, already married. They fall in love on the woman’s family’s vineyard…. I love it. Now. Nineteen year olds cry at moments like this. You are twenty. Immune. Now go have fun.
Uh right.
It’s a good movie. It ends like it deserves to, but they fight for it. They fight love. True love…. Is worth fighting for.
…Yes. Yes as love I agree but true love is hard to define properly.
I don’t mean to say true love. Just love. Because when you feel it, it’s worth whatever else they did to you. Even this time…
Even after how I feel now.
Wanna hang with me and my friend? New people is good.
Oh my God?! Social?! With a human? One of your humans. Your humans are so precious, Katie. Oh, God, thank you. Oh God. Oh God. People. No more sad Romance movies.
I don’t want to impose.
Please be okay. Please be okay. Please okay. People. People people people. Leave house, no Revels, no danger. People!
You can’t impose if you’re invited. It would be rude to decline. Please?
Oh, Katie. Katie I love you. You’re rescuing me. Again. For no reason. You’re rescuing me from my aching heart and you’re giving me a new friend.
Rude to decline? I didn’t mean it so. I just don’t want…. To ruin your awaking night. Go. Have fun.
He wants to meet you. Come on!
Me? He wants to meet me? He must not be from around here, huh?
I think it would be nice, if you’re sure.
And by nice I mean oh my God, a person who doesn’t want to kill me. Oh Katie.
Okay. We’re coming. :) also wanna bring assions creed?
I think you meant Assassin’s creed, dear. But I was still amused and too grateful to be irked.
Sure. Give me warning and turn down your music please?
It’s two-forty-nine in the morning. Craig catches me and I’m out on my ass. I don’t care. I feel alone and heartbroken.
Deal.
A little while later.
Here.
Sean is the name of the friend. I watch Katie, bustling in the cold dark, the headlights streaming light on the blowing snow; throwing shit in her trunk so I can sit in the back. He smiles at me, and my eyes find his arm. I decline comment; it's his pain to tell.
We get in the car after introductions, though they’re unnecessary: we’ve met before. At a movie party for her birthday, at the Pinecone, when he still had the woman with the anger in her heart. He hasn’t been sleeping well. His eyes on me were checking to make sure I wasn’t a threat, his eyes flicker to the trees occasionally. He’s polite and handsome.
Shaun.
We’re similar spirits. Katie and him were talking about a man named John Smith, which is so obviously a character I stop and bite back the urge to ask questions. I listen instead. I listen to his description of playing characters, how close he’d been to power.
He’s charming in his simplicity; there’s a lure to his game.
The masquerade. I remember the names, the terms, the culture, but only in pieces. I find myself infinitely more happy to be in the car. I can talk now, I can speak normally! No guarding!
Your friend is masquerading as a Vampire! That’s… so…. Cool!
I listen to his story with pleasure, having heard about the character’s desire to serve the law, keep the people safe, follow the traditions. I comment occasionally with a witty remark that seems relevant and has Rose undertones and watch Katie bite back her laughs as they smoke in the front seat.
He seems surprised that I latch on to him so quickly, that I’m so willing to know him. Katie had said she’d told him about me, and I want to know what was said. I want to say, did you break Concealment? How much of myself can I show here?
I ask him questions all the way to the apartment, strangely, neither of us are bored with it. I watch Katie shake her head with amusement at the nerds, armed perhaps with a little apprehension. There’s more to his story than he’s telling with me there, and I sense that. I won’t press him for it. I don’t know why but that would be wrong.
I love him, after all. If for nothing else, I love how much he loves Katie. I love Sean for the gentleness and the patient understanding he all but has tattooed on his forehead. I love him for his suffering, too. How he overcomes that pain, which is nothing less than courage.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” she announced as I sink into her couch, running my fingers over the screwdriver. “You two play nice.”
“So,” I said, watching her round the corner and deciding to push the edge a bit, “Are all your kind sanguinary?” Your Kind? Sanguinary?
Good God.
“I don’t understand what that means,” he said honestly. I saw the tiniest flicker behind Sean’s eyes, like he thought he’d underestimated me.
I admired that flicker. The things I could say--well Sean, there are three types of Vampire, and only one feeds upon the Blood--seem to die in my throat. One.
I realize that he is not under the illusion of my grandeur. This is a human boy.
Two.
“Do all your coven feed on blood?” I asked instead, biting my lips a moment.
“Well, the thing about it is,” Sean replied carefully, trying not to show he’s been miffed. “Feeding goes on behind the scenes, really. Unless someone’s stupid and brings in a human and everyone goes, Whoa! Snack!” I laugh, understanding too well that frustration. Laugh, too, to hide the flush creeping up my neck.
An untied Sanguinary. The questions I could ask him, the things I could show him, the stories I could tell--! Tempting. Tempting, tempting, holy mother fucking shit. I glance again at his forearm, and realize it isn't a bite. Which is a bit of a relief.
By the way, most Vampires in the Roses don’t do the by-my-teeth-alone style. They find it too unctuous. Most have extra, really specifically long and sharpened porcelain teeth that pop onto the canines. There are only the two puncture wounds, to idealize the terror that is the Vampyre. It also means that if you’re in a fight with a Rose Vampire, you punch their teeth if they look suspiciously long. That hurts like a bitch, they howl, and you’ve won.
I don’t use the teeth for that reason. My own are sharp enough.
Three. I hadn’t answered, but he saw that not only was I interested (with a minimal amount of flirting the Vampirism-suffering males of my acquaintance find most flattering), but also that I was knowledgeable.
“My friend and I have some crazy shenanigans planned,” he continued with a grin, “involving fey. We’re going to bring some in to Elysium and say,
‘You are in a sunny field, but not harmed by that sun because of the power of the faith and my God an Elephant! Wood Sprites, bring me some wine!’”
I laughed and laughed and laughed at both his concept and his expression, remembering when I’d tasted my first Fey. …Shit. Just Fey. Not mine. Don’t think about it!
I’m still laughing, so hard I’m gasping with the faintest edge of a snarl, when Katie came back.
“Oh Jesus,” she joked in what I fondly label as the ‘this is only funny to you, Payton, isn‘t it?’ voice, “What did you do?” Sean was staring at me with a flicker of shock in his eyes. How could I understand this?
“I explained that I planned to bring in some Fey to Elysium--”
“--Because Fey blood makes Vampires go bat shit crazy,” I finished, so pleased with this old friend of hers, realizing I hadn’t told her that part of herself yet. Katie made a tiny gesture of triumph, ignoring Shaun’s raised eyebrows. We’d set off the alarm bells.
“Right,” she said. There was an amusing struggle as we conversed, slowly moving away from the Vampire thing, we tried to turn on her Xbox and failed. I managed to slip and mention the Roses during that time, when he was moving on to his Martyr Complex and crazy protective instincts, but I was fast in covering it up.
“I’ll be right back,” he said.
“I’m giving you the choice here,” I said after a minute. “Tell him about the Roses? Yes? No?”
“You already kindof mentioned it….” she considered it. “Do it. Tell him.”
“Should I edit? I mean I can’t really just unload everything onto the guy--”
“Okay, I’m back!” Sean sat down. We’d turned on the Xbox successfully. “So listen I have an insatiable curiosity and you have peaked it.”
If I didn’t love him already, I would. Right at that moment, I would have. Katie had said such a similar sentence to me, and I could hear the love in it. It wasn’t curiosity, it was a willingness to protect, a fierceness that he concealed, an agelessness gentleman. I was impressed, severely, with the nonchalance with which he communicated that.
“Peaked it?” I asked, just to say something within the count of three, already preparing my response for his answer.
“With this off-shoot thing,” Sean confirmed politely.
“They’re called the Roses,” I said in response, after nodding at Katie, “And they aren’t so much an off-shoot as a similarity, I even believe they started around the same time. There are three. The Red Rose, which is like your soccer game referee, keeps everybody in check. The Black Rose, which hates humans and wants to wipe them out, and the White Rose, which wants to keep humans around. White Rose--my Rose--is outnumbered by almost ten to one, surprisingly.”
I suddenly understood Katie’s argument against me being harmed much, much better.
I told him about Katie, how I’d protected her. I explained the Council, the circles, the races, the language, who I was and what I did. I’d never seen someone just accept it the way Sean did. Never.
Katie popped in to explain things when I left them too far from human, explain how I was overtly tolerant and implied, in her own way, that I was far too forgiving.
I told him about Azrael. Sean, like Katie had, wanted to murder Ryan for what he had done to me. Every tear, every scream, every unvoiced objection, was wrong to my new friend.
Sean wanted to blooming murder him. He was so angry for me, this Sean, even though he hardly knew me. I was a stranger. I could have been pulling this shit out of my ass for all he knew, and that didn’t matter: I had been harmed, and he would defend me. Despite having heard of my flaws, my shortcomings, my failings, he would kill for me.
Just because I knew his friend, and had suffered to protect her. Just because I was decent and vulnerable.
Was most especially blew Shaun away was how I defended Ryan. While Sean, most likely in deference to my delicate feelings in the subject, failed to call him directly a monster, he believes that I should be much more angry at Ryan.
“Enough of that,” he said, after he realized how quick my responses were.
“Forgive me,” I said, feeling somehow defeated, “It is an old argument, one I’ve had with this one many a time. I fear I find my answers rehearsed.”
“Which is why I’m not continuing it,” he said firmly. How very like Katie he was!
“I can’t… give up hope on him,” I said, my eyes on Ezio falling from a tall building with two health boxes left. Katie heals him. “If I am angry with him, if I send my guards for his blood, then I prove his ideals of me. Allow him to do this leaves me hope for him, and him hope for me.”
“But you can’t just let him do this,” said Sean, exasperated just as easily as his friend, “he has to be punished in some way--”
“Penance,” rang in Katie helpfully.
“His blood on my lips has settled that score,” I said quietly. “I assure you.”
I told Sean about Ryan again. This time, not just the vague character sketches, but the story behind him, where he had come from and what he had done to me.
“He was just a human boy then, so young and so sweet,” I began, as I had done but twice before, “but when he saw the Roses…..”
“Absolute power corrupts absolutely,” said Sean. I nodded slowly.
“He wanted to be more than what he was. He felt invisible, and I’d given him a reason to be seen. I wouldn’t turn him, Sean. So one night, he poisoned my water glass, which is like a big no-no in the Roses. Water is always safe to drink, always--”
“Which is a good note if you’re ever at a Rose Revel,” said Katie quickly, “It’s called the Right of Hospitality.”
“Parley?” Joked the newcomer. I shook my head at him.
“No,” I said. “If the right is declared incorrectly, your near-correct knowledge will make it the worse on you.”
“Oh,” he said. “Continue with your story...if you would.” I loved that. He didn’t order, didn’t press. He gave me the time, precious time with his friend that he shared with me, and now he was patient.
“I am immune to most drugs there,” I said simply, “I worked up an immunity to them during my time of training. The drug that he had dosed me with now I was not immune to, and I went crazy.” I looked at him with my most hurt expression, struggling to remember this. “I bit him, but I didn’t turn him. He went to the Vampire King and Queen--Vampires,” I said apologetically, hoping not to affront the traditions of his Coven too horribly, “are one of the few foreign courts with a Monarch at their head--”
“Well, of course they would be,” Sean said with a flash of a smile.
“They offered him a deal,” I said simply. “A Bargain, if you will. Capital B, because it’s important, right proper noun important. It’s like an unbreakable deal. If Ryan--Azrael--could get them my blood, they’d give to him all of the Vampire’s…. touch-gift.” My brow furrowed. “You could call it an aphrodisiac. It works, which is why it’s so terrifying. Much like the Death Fey.”
“….Death Fey? Shit that sounds intense!”
Katie waved gleefully.
“Katie’s one,” I said calmly. “Only, like, super powerful. It’s being-an-offshoot-of-me-thing.”
“Way to be, Kate!” Wait. Did he just call you Kate? Huh. Katie giggles.
“I know right? I’m just such a badass….”
She is, actually.
I've decided.... I like this friend.
"You've caught me off-guard a bit. I'm not used to that."
"I'm sorry," I said, sincerely, realizing he didn't need any more of that from the area just below the stomach. This fellow had some intense pain going on. "It wasn't my intent."
It never is.
Fy Rhos does that.
I closed my eyes.
Oh. I’m also talking to Katie.
There’s a Bargain proposed by Dyrim: she’ll give Ryan back to me if I slash myself with a dagger and bid him drink. I didn’t know what to do.
Have you made a decision?
She asked me that. Like I’d know.
I’m not sure. I don’t want to go. But I can save him.
Get sedition before you let him drink. Also can he claim to be a splinter or something crazy powerful from drinking your blood?
She'd broken a rule and double texted, her next being:
Decisions decisions. Do you have guards covering your back? Can they protect you past what you’re agreed to?
I…. don’t want to let him. Politically it is correct for me to go. But I don’t…. think he deserves my blood. Not after what he just did to me.
Then don’t agree to the offer. I agree with you. No blood.
He’d have my powers again…. Like nothing happened. He could rule me again, own me again. But he’d be safe. But he…. He would….
I can’t finish the sentence.
Oh hell no.
He made me a promise on the fifth of January. Thursday, that Thursday. I can’t let him keep it. I won’t… let him…. I can’t keep…. Poisoning him, Katie.
The Holiday is getting to a close. I get hopeful. Maybe the world isn’t so bad. …Commercials. I remember his last visit, sobbing for me; begging me to stay.
To me it sounds like he has something to do with this bargain. As in he’s using your need to save him get exactly what he wants.
She’s read the past text of mine now. Her next text is,
The promise being?
He said he’d… negated.. The more… enjoyable… parts of… Sedition. He… intended… to use it more often.
Yeah. Fuck no.
Thank you. I feel the same way.
And now… now… he manipulates my heart… as a human man. He may need me, but I… I can’t put myself through that. Not again. Christ… not again….
My tears are collecting, klink, klink, in the bucket of suckiness. I pick up my phone and continue,
I feel so alone, Katie. I know that’s stupid, and his fault, but… I do. I am doing the right thing. I know I am.
As in not doing it.
Yes. No knife shall touch my skin, no lips shall take my soul from me, on his behalf tonight. Even if I feel heartbroken. He made my own heartbreak my fault.
Not your fault good choice thank you
Mm. No punctuation, no capitalization? She’s entertaining or asleep. Given this is a text conversation, if I said she were entertaining it’d end up seeming I was jealous. I don’t want that.
I know I’m doing the right thing, but this hurts. I feel so alone. Your weakling human girl is three inches from a breakdown… but it’s at least one in the right direction. Now you sleep, yes? You live in hope for me.
I’m on a rant now. We selfish bitches, we do that.
Thanks to stupid Roses I’ll be here, admit to broken, and watch bad romance movies. Nineteen… so sleep. I’m safe from everyone but this room.
A Walk in the Clouds is on. I’m watching Keanu Reeves get off the boat from war, struggling with his inner monster. His wife, met the night before he departed for war, is beautiful, empty-headed, and cruel, with no interest in his dreams or hopes.
He gets on a train to sell chocolates. There’s another, more gentle beauty there with a slow, soft smile….
I’m sorry everything sucks. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.
I deserved that. I did ask her to attend to her business. The right thing to do, I had just done. I fought off the lump in my throat and the tears on my cheeks.
That isn’t true. I have you. Goodnight, Katie. I love you.
I mean what I say. Because even when I’m hurt, even if she was just talking to me for a minute, she was there. My heart heals itself when she’s with me.
I’ll be up if you need anything.
Huh. The Superhero complex is kicking in, and she’s not here. I had this big speech prepared on why she didn’t need to come, too. Shit, I must be interrupting something important.
Not unless you, too desire bad romance films and mint flavored trees. Go on. Sleep.
I’m only joking halfway.
I’m hanging with a friend until morning so…
So hang with your friend. I won’t pry someone else of your company. Just… a human girl is all. I’m not in danger. Listening to an Italian waltz and missing a man who doesn’t exist.
Not anymore.
Girl, I owe alligence to you. What I can offer I will.
Well helloooo there, Rose language. Way to be! I’ve decided I like your friend if they wake this in you, even if they aren't reading your shoulder enough to correct your spelling of allegiance.
I shan’t tear you from your company. No danger, no bitemarks. All’s well. Go have fun. Live. One of us oughta. And one of these day’s we’re watching A Walk in the Clouds.
Because that song reminds me of you.
What’s that about?
A woman meets a solider. Pregnant, already married. They fall in love on the woman’s family’s vineyard…. I love it. Now. Nineteen year olds cry at moments like this. You are twenty. Immune. Now go have fun.
Uh right.
It’s a good movie. It ends like it deserves to, but they fight for it. They fight love. True love…. Is worth fighting for.
…Yes. Yes as love I agree but true love is hard to define properly.
I don’t mean to say true love. Just love. Because when you feel it, it’s worth whatever else they did to you. Even this time…
Even after how I feel now.
Wanna hang with me and my friend? New people is good.
Oh my God?! Social?! With a human? One of your humans. Your humans are so precious, Katie. Oh, God, thank you. Oh God. Oh God. People. No more sad Romance movies.
I don’t want to impose.
Please be okay. Please be okay. Please okay. People. People people people. Leave house, no Revels, no danger. People!
You can’t impose if you’re invited. It would be rude to decline. Please?
Oh, Katie. Katie I love you. You’re rescuing me. Again. For no reason. You’re rescuing me from my aching heart and you’re giving me a new friend.
Rude to decline? I didn’t mean it so. I just don’t want…. To ruin your awaking night. Go. Have fun.
He wants to meet you. Come on!
Me? He wants to meet me? He must not be from around here, huh?
I think it would be nice, if you’re sure.
And by nice I mean oh my God, a person who doesn’t want to kill me. Oh Katie.
Okay. We’re coming. :) also wanna bring assions creed?
I think you meant Assassin’s creed, dear. But I was still amused and too grateful to be irked.
Sure. Give me warning and turn down your music please?
It’s two-forty-nine in the morning. Craig catches me and I’m out on my ass. I don’t care. I feel alone and heartbroken.
Deal.
A little while later.
Here.
Sean is the name of the friend. I watch Katie, bustling in the cold dark, the headlights streaming light on the blowing snow; throwing shit in her trunk so I can sit in the back. He smiles at me, and my eyes find his arm. I decline comment; it's his pain to tell.
We get in the car after introductions, though they’re unnecessary: we’ve met before. At a movie party for her birthday, at the Pinecone, when he still had the woman with the anger in her heart. He hasn’t been sleeping well. His eyes on me were checking to make sure I wasn’t a threat, his eyes flicker to the trees occasionally. He’s polite and handsome.
Shaun.
We’re similar spirits. Katie and him were talking about a man named John Smith, which is so obviously a character I stop and bite back the urge to ask questions. I listen instead. I listen to his description of playing characters, how close he’d been to power.
He’s charming in his simplicity; there’s a lure to his game.
The masquerade. I remember the names, the terms, the culture, but only in pieces. I find myself infinitely more happy to be in the car. I can talk now, I can speak normally! No guarding!
Your friend is masquerading as a Vampire! That’s… so…. Cool!
I listen to his story with pleasure, having heard about the character’s desire to serve the law, keep the people safe, follow the traditions. I comment occasionally with a witty remark that seems relevant and has Rose undertones and watch Katie bite back her laughs as they smoke in the front seat.
He seems surprised that I latch on to him so quickly, that I’m so willing to know him. Katie had said she’d told him about me, and I want to know what was said. I want to say, did you break Concealment? How much of myself can I show here?
I ask him questions all the way to the apartment, strangely, neither of us are bored with it. I watch Katie shake her head with amusement at the nerds, armed perhaps with a little apprehension. There’s more to his story than he’s telling with me there, and I sense that. I won’t press him for it. I don’t know why but that would be wrong.
I love him, after all. If for nothing else, I love how much he loves Katie. I love Sean for the gentleness and the patient understanding he all but has tattooed on his forehead. I love him for his suffering, too. How he overcomes that pain, which is nothing less than courage.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” she announced as I sink into her couch, running my fingers over the screwdriver. “You two play nice.”
“So,” I said, watching her round the corner and deciding to push the edge a bit, “Are all your kind sanguinary?” Your Kind? Sanguinary?
Good God.
“I don’t understand what that means,” he said honestly. I saw the tiniest flicker behind Sean’s eyes, like he thought he’d underestimated me.
I admired that flicker. The things I could say--well Sean, there are three types of Vampire, and only one feeds upon the Blood--seem to die in my throat. One.
I realize that he is not under the illusion of my grandeur. This is a human boy.
Two.
“Do all your coven feed on blood?” I asked instead, biting my lips a moment.
“Well, the thing about it is,” Sean replied carefully, trying not to show he’s been miffed. “Feeding goes on behind the scenes, really. Unless someone’s stupid and brings in a human and everyone goes, Whoa! Snack!” I laugh, understanding too well that frustration. Laugh, too, to hide the flush creeping up my neck.
An untied Sanguinary. The questions I could ask him, the things I could show him, the stories I could tell--! Tempting. Tempting, tempting, holy mother fucking shit. I glance again at his forearm, and realize it isn't a bite. Which is a bit of a relief.
By the way, most Vampires in the Roses don’t do the by-my-teeth-alone style. They find it too unctuous. Most have extra, really specifically long and sharpened porcelain teeth that pop onto the canines. There are only the two puncture wounds, to idealize the terror that is the Vampyre. It also means that if you’re in a fight with a Rose Vampire, you punch their teeth if they look suspiciously long. That hurts like a bitch, they howl, and you’ve won.
I don’t use the teeth for that reason. My own are sharp enough.
Three. I hadn’t answered, but he saw that not only was I interested (with a minimal amount of flirting the Vampirism-suffering males of my acquaintance find most flattering), but also that I was knowledgeable.
“My friend and I have some crazy shenanigans planned,” he continued with a grin, “involving fey. We’re going to bring some in to Elysium and say,
‘You are in a sunny field, but not harmed by that sun because of the power of the faith and my God an Elephant! Wood Sprites, bring me some wine!’”
I laughed and laughed and laughed at both his concept and his expression, remembering when I’d tasted my first Fey. …Shit. Just Fey. Not mine. Don’t think about it!
I’m still laughing, so hard I’m gasping with the faintest edge of a snarl, when Katie came back.
“Oh Jesus,” she joked in what I fondly label as the ‘this is only funny to you, Payton, isn‘t it?’ voice, “What did you do?” Sean was staring at me with a flicker of shock in his eyes. How could I understand this?
“I explained that I planned to bring in some Fey to Elysium--”
“--Because Fey blood makes Vampires go bat shit crazy,” I finished, so pleased with this old friend of hers, realizing I hadn’t told her that part of herself yet. Katie made a tiny gesture of triumph, ignoring Shaun’s raised eyebrows. We’d set off the alarm bells.
“Right,” she said. There was an amusing struggle as we conversed, slowly moving away from the Vampire thing, we tried to turn on her Xbox and failed. I managed to slip and mention the Roses during that time, when he was moving on to his Martyr Complex and crazy protective instincts, but I was fast in covering it up.
“I’ll be right back,” he said.
“I’m giving you the choice here,” I said after a minute. “Tell him about the Roses? Yes? No?”
“You already kindof mentioned it….” she considered it. “Do it. Tell him.”
“Should I edit? I mean I can’t really just unload everything onto the guy--”
“Okay, I’m back!” Sean sat down. We’d turned on the Xbox successfully. “So listen I have an insatiable curiosity and you have peaked it.”
If I didn’t love him already, I would. Right at that moment, I would have. Katie had said such a similar sentence to me, and I could hear the love in it. It wasn’t curiosity, it was a willingness to protect, a fierceness that he concealed, an agelessness gentleman. I was impressed, severely, with the nonchalance with which he communicated that.
“Peaked it?” I asked, just to say something within the count of three, already preparing my response for his answer.
“With this off-shoot thing,” Sean confirmed politely.
“They’re called the Roses,” I said in response, after nodding at Katie, “And they aren’t so much an off-shoot as a similarity, I even believe they started around the same time. There are three. The Red Rose, which is like your soccer game referee, keeps everybody in check. The Black Rose, which hates humans and wants to wipe them out, and the White Rose, which wants to keep humans around. White Rose--my Rose--is outnumbered by almost ten to one, surprisingly.”
I suddenly understood Katie’s argument against me being harmed much, much better.
I told him about Katie, how I’d protected her. I explained the Council, the circles, the races, the language, who I was and what I did. I’d never seen someone just accept it the way Sean did. Never.
Katie popped in to explain things when I left them too far from human, explain how I was overtly tolerant and implied, in her own way, that I was far too forgiving.
I told him about Azrael. Sean, like Katie had, wanted to murder Ryan for what he had done to me. Every tear, every scream, every unvoiced objection, was wrong to my new friend.
Sean wanted to blooming murder him. He was so angry for me, this Sean, even though he hardly knew me. I was a stranger. I could have been pulling this shit out of my ass for all he knew, and that didn’t matter: I had been harmed, and he would defend me. Despite having heard of my flaws, my shortcomings, my failings, he would kill for me.
Just because I knew his friend, and had suffered to protect her. Just because I was decent and vulnerable.
Was most especially blew Shaun away was how I defended Ryan. While Sean, most likely in deference to my delicate feelings in the subject, failed to call him directly a monster, he believes that I should be much more angry at Ryan.
“Enough of that,” he said, after he realized how quick my responses were.
“Forgive me,” I said, feeling somehow defeated, “It is an old argument, one I’ve had with this one many a time. I fear I find my answers rehearsed.”
“Which is why I’m not continuing it,” he said firmly. How very like Katie he was!
“I can’t… give up hope on him,” I said, my eyes on Ezio falling from a tall building with two health boxes left. Katie heals him. “If I am angry with him, if I send my guards for his blood, then I prove his ideals of me. Allow him to do this leaves me hope for him, and him hope for me.”
“But you can’t just let him do this,” said Sean, exasperated just as easily as his friend, “he has to be punished in some way--”
“Penance,” rang in Katie helpfully.
“His blood on my lips has settled that score,” I said quietly. “I assure you.”
I told Sean about Ryan again. This time, not just the vague character sketches, but the story behind him, where he had come from and what he had done to me.
“He was just a human boy then, so young and so sweet,” I began, as I had done but twice before, “but when he saw the Roses…..”
“Absolute power corrupts absolutely,” said Sean. I nodded slowly.
“He wanted to be more than what he was. He felt invisible, and I’d given him a reason to be seen. I wouldn’t turn him, Sean. So one night, he poisoned my water glass, which is like a big no-no in the Roses. Water is always safe to drink, always--”
“Which is a good note if you’re ever at a Rose Revel,” said Katie quickly, “It’s called the Right of Hospitality.”
“Parley?” Joked the newcomer. I shook my head at him.
“No,” I said. “If the right is declared incorrectly, your near-correct knowledge will make it the worse on you.”
“Oh,” he said. “Continue with your story...if you would.” I loved that. He didn’t order, didn’t press. He gave me the time, precious time with his friend that he shared with me, and now he was patient.
“I am immune to most drugs there,” I said simply, “I worked up an immunity to them during my time of training. The drug that he had dosed me with now I was not immune to, and I went crazy.” I looked at him with my most hurt expression, struggling to remember this. “I bit him, but I didn’t turn him. He went to the Vampire King and Queen--Vampires,” I said apologetically, hoping not to affront the traditions of his Coven too horribly, “are one of the few foreign courts with a Monarch at their head--”
“Well, of course they would be,” Sean said with a flash of a smile.
“They offered him a deal,” I said simply. “A Bargain, if you will. Capital B, because it’s important, right proper noun important. It’s like an unbreakable deal. If Ryan--Azrael--could get them my blood, they’d give to him all of the Vampire’s…. touch-gift.” My brow furrowed. “You could call it an aphrodisiac. It works, which is why it’s so terrifying. Much like the Death Fey.”
“….Death Fey? Shit that sounds intense!”
Katie waved gleefully.
“Katie’s one,” I said calmly. “Only, like, super powerful. It’s being-an-offshoot-of-me-thing.”
“Way to be, Kate!” Wait. Did he just call you Kate? Huh. Katie giggles.
“I know right? I’m just such a badass….”
She is, actually.
I've decided.... I like this friend.
"You've caught me off-guard a bit. I'm not used to that."
"I'm sorry," I said, sincerely, realizing he didn't need any more of that from the area just below the stomach. This fellow had some intense pain going on. "It wasn't my intent."
It never is.
Fy Rhos does that.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Wild: another story
Once upon a time,
there was a young woman with his blood on her lips.
The monster in her was awakened
the monster in her was set loose.
A human warrior with immortal blood and power
is no match for the thralls of Love.
When he sent one to bait her she accepted
and now she's lost her job.
Lost.
there was a young woman with his blood on her lips.
The monster in her was awakened
the monster in her was set loose.
A human warrior with immortal blood and power
is no match for the thralls of Love.
When he sent one to bait her she accepted
and now she's lost her job.
Lost.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Wild: Funeral
Being as sensitive to the emotions of others as I am, Funerals are terrible to me. When I lived in Monona we lived near one and I swear I could smell the bitterness of sorrow on the air when it was used. I walk into the room and can feel it in a way most people can't, the pain, the missing, the people who can't hold still, the people who jabber about nothing because they're trying not to look at the painted corpse, the people who just are so broken-hearted they can't move, the people who don't really care at all, the people who're there for the free kleenex and mints, the people who are waiting for a ghost to pop out.
All those people? I sense them, in my way. It sounds stupid until you know me, until you realize I'm not actually making this up. I live this, every day.
I still don't know what to say. I can't comfort this, and they can't really comfort me.
Beyond that, I had ceder-leaf-smoked salmon and gold potatoes for dinner, which I could barely eat (firstly, worked up; secondly, the last time I had this was with him, and I...). I got back to the hotel and the hot tub's broken.
At least I have internet. I can skim the emails, down to the ones where he threatens me.
The moon is full. I'm safe.
I still cannot comfort my family, but I always try.
I wish other people would try for me.
I think that'd be nice...
All those people? I sense them, in my way. It sounds stupid until you know me, until you realize I'm not actually making this up. I live this, every day.
I still don't know what to say. I can't comfort this, and they can't really comfort me.
Beyond that, I had ceder-leaf-smoked salmon and gold potatoes for dinner, which I could barely eat (firstly, worked up; secondly, the last time I had this was with him, and I...). I got back to the hotel and the hot tub's broken.
At least I have internet. I can skim the emails, down to the ones where he threatens me.
The moon is full. I'm safe.
I still cannot comfort my family, but I always try.
I wish other people would try for me.
I think that'd be nice...
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Wild: Moving
If and until I decree otherwise
on behalf of the Law of Protection
all Revels are to be moved heretofore to a location away from the Present.
This blog is no longer to be trusted until I issue the codeword issued last year.
and all records are to be unrecorded,
all posts on this blog of the Roses are to be deleted soon
because to you my loves, there's been a threat.
Azrael.
The humans are coming for you.
I suggest you flee madly.
Take whatever you can with you, our whole world if you must
but you are not
to let the humans find it.
Today,
my children
we run.
on behalf of the Law of Protection
all Revels are to be moved heretofore to a location away from the Present.
This blog is no longer to be trusted until I issue the codeword issued last year.
and all records are to be unrecorded,
all posts on this blog of the Roses are to be deleted soon
because to you my loves, there's been a threat.
Azrael.
The humans are coming for you.
I suggest you flee madly.
Take whatever you can with you, our whole world if you must
but you are not
to let the humans find it.
Today,
my children
we run.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Wild: Sedition orders as of 1/2/12, posted by order of Azrael
I am to refuse all attempts to defend me. I am to agree entirely with MoS on all matter. He forbids struggling or resisting him in any way or over any detail, however trivial. I am to follow him absolutely and fight for his desires as if they were my own. I am to thank him for his harms of me without fail. Screaming is to be done only on command, and if I cannot help it, the usual reward given. I am to test his food and drink myself, without exception or delegation. No longer may I call him by anything other than the expected, which until ordered I will not demean myself with here.
Under the Master Herald, there is a list of people with whom I can and cannot converse. I can defend myself from nothing and no one without his consent, in fact, if you manage to harm me in a way he finds particularly amusing, you are to be rewarded.
I am to enjoy what is happening to me.
Raffles for time with me are to be held regularly, feel free to enter. I am to encourage this. I am to join the feeding staff, and match their clothing each and every night until otherwise stated. I am to be held accountable for each and every broken law or displeasing fact, and punished accordingly.
All gifts given to me after this date shall be given instead to him. As many of you have undoubtedly heard, the Eyes-and-Ears have been disbanded. Humans are again banished from the Revel.
Under the Master Herald, there is a list of people with whom I can and cannot converse. I can defend myself from nothing and no one without his consent, in fact, if you manage to harm me in a way he finds particularly amusing, you are to be rewarded.
I am to enjoy what is happening to me.
Raffles for time with me are to be held regularly, feel free to enter. I am to encourage this. I am to join the feeding staff, and match their clothing each and every night until otherwise stated. I am to be held accountable for each and every broken law or displeasing fact, and punished accordingly.
All gifts given to me after this date shall be given instead to him. As many of you have undoubtedly heard, the Eyes-and-Ears have been disbanded. Humans are again banished from the Revel.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Wild: Romance Novels
Reminds me of what my mom said.
What if my life were a Romance Novel?
I could see the setting in my head already.
Teenaged girl, outcast. Secretly part of epic society where people fight to be themselves and win the battle instantly. There is intrigue and danger, "sexy" vampires and a handsome Prince that's secretly evil, a council, traditions and Laws and things we have to hide.
A boy at school. Flutter flutter. A Knight.
A girl at school. Wide winged and soaring. A faery with an angel's wings.
The Faery and the Blade,
the Faery and the Blade.
Another girl. The ocean. You can see it in her eyes, and when she speaks, the world stops. She is good and beautiful and clever, because I'm allowed creative License. She loves them, and the girl doesn't love her. The man is charming and suave and not-quite handsome, old-world and gentle. The woman is confidant and strong and loyal and beautiful. When the Ocean pictures magic, all she can see in her head is the woman's eye color.
Team Finley or Team Katie?
And the villain, and the fight, and the world. My life... people would kill for it. The danger, the mystery.
What I can't convey to them is that which they already desire; the worshipful behavior towards her, how hard it is to do the right thing. How cutting your forearm to stop a war makes you scream, and you can't stop the scream, even if it stops the war.
When you people read your romance Novels and the hero sacrifices something to win, you smile at yourselves like they were a pawn in chess. Sacrificed for the greater good.
But their wounds, their struggles, whatever they gave, is given now. Given for the greater good that you wear with undeserved pride on your chests, huffing with the effort of understanding their brilliance.
What I can’t convey to them is how their touch feels on you, that of your enemies or Lovers. I can’t give to you the pain of rejection or the feeling that you’ve just ended a war. I can’t tell you that after I’ve bitten someone to protect them, I sometimes still excuse myself to curl up into a human ball and cry.
The Roses, the people like them, your heroes? They envy you. You Envy us. Ordinary people can be heroes, and heroes can be ordinary. The only difference is what you make of it yourselves, what you are willing to fight for. The choices you are willing to make.
She still doesn’t love me. And I still sacrificed so much for her. When I tell any one of you the truth, you judge me, and then you tell me to be myself.
Do you want to see myself? Silvered hair and flowing sleeves and a sparkling laugh?
I would not see the terror in your eyes, my dears, my human loves.
Continue
With your dreaming.
What if my life were a Romance Novel?
I could see the setting in my head already.
Teenaged girl, outcast. Secretly part of epic society where people fight to be themselves and win the battle instantly. There is intrigue and danger, "sexy" vampires and a handsome Prince that's secretly evil, a council, traditions and Laws and things we have to hide.
A boy at school. Flutter flutter. A Knight.
A girl at school. Wide winged and soaring. A faery with an angel's wings.
The Faery and the Blade,
the Faery and the Blade.
Another girl. The ocean. You can see it in her eyes, and when she speaks, the world stops. She is good and beautiful and clever, because I'm allowed creative License. She loves them, and the girl doesn't love her. The man is charming and suave and not-quite handsome, old-world and gentle. The woman is confidant and strong and loyal and beautiful. When the Ocean pictures magic, all she can see in her head is the woman's eye color.
Team Finley or Team Katie?
And the villain, and the fight, and the world. My life... people would kill for it. The danger, the mystery.
What I can't convey to them is that which they already desire; the worshipful behavior towards her, how hard it is to do the right thing. How cutting your forearm to stop a war makes you scream, and you can't stop the scream, even if it stops the war.
When you people read your romance Novels and the hero sacrifices something to win, you smile at yourselves like they were a pawn in chess. Sacrificed for the greater good.
But their wounds, their struggles, whatever they gave, is given now. Given for the greater good that you wear with undeserved pride on your chests, huffing with the effort of understanding their brilliance.
What I can’t convey to them is how their touch feels on you, that of your enemies or Lovers. I can’t give to you the pain of rejection or the feeling that you’ve just ended a war. I can’t tell you that after I’ve bitten someone to protect them, I sometimes still excuse myself to curl up into a human ball and cry.
The Roses, the people like them, your heroes? They envy you. You Envy us. Ordinary people can be heroes, and heroes can be ordinary. The only difference is what you make of it yourselves, what you are willing to fight for. The choices you are willing to make.
She still doesn’t love me. And I still sacrificed so much for her. When I tell any one of you the truth, you judge me, and then you tell me to be myself.
Do you want to see myself? Silvered hair and flowing sleeves and a sparkling laugh?
I would not see the terror in your eyes, my dears, my human loves.
Continue
With your dreaming.
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