Friends pick up and drop me,
and drop me
and drop me,
Friends like to forget that I'm telling the truth.
I point out that lonely
is horrible, that we all try to end it
and they gape at me,
I'm "awkward" for speaking my heart.
It hurts and I'm crying and nobody listens.
Nobody knows my heart hurts
when two of the three stare at each other
don't answer me
tolerate me.
Everything hurts. I'm crying in bed.
I want my friends. Where are they? Finley had to go... school tomorrow...
I tried not to text him. Then, I also tried not to cry.
Tonight, at rehearsal
my cast mates laughed at me
my director wouldn't look me in the eye or smile
I feel like they hate me
but really, it's not even that
they don't even notice me enough to do even that.
I'd do anything for you. I'd sacrifice so much for anyone, anytime, anywhere. Even if I don't know you.
Why do you hurt me like this? Who else do you stare at like that when they speak? Do you stop talking when other people talk?
No. No you don't. It's just me.
I'm special.
My heart hurts... for me. For Kate and Katie. For Brad. For Ms. Schutlz. For April. For the woman at the Culver's counter with boyfriend issues (that diamond heart is flawed, is flawed).
And also, tonight... for me.
I'm special.
You know what your "problem" is? You speak the truth, or what others are thinking, when they refuse to do it them selves. You make it awkward because you say things that should be said but never are. You don't go with the crowd, you go with what is right, and I love you for that. I admire you for that. Don't change. You are special.
ReplyDeleteI only meant that I loved Brad, too. But how do I tell them that? They find me strange as it is. I feel for him. I know what it's like to look everywhere and say, "That could be him. That could be my Prince." Who hasn't done that? But when people will do anything to have one person find them special and wonderful....
ReplyDeleteThey're desperate. That makes me angry. Someone wanting to feel love like you do and I do is worth the social liaisons now again, is worth the pain. When we find it, it's good, it's so right, and the world smiles and says, "See! We told you so!"
It doesn't tell us so. It makes us hate ourselves in the process of giving up, of thinking we're meant to be alone. I love Brad. I didn't think anyone was attacking him or anything, and laughter happens... but how could I have said all of this?
Who would've listened?
Thank you, Katie. I love you.