Wild: back to Greenville, kiddies

The things we want to lose, to take our rest from, are not meant to follow us. They are meant to leave us in safety and security.

The journeys we make in life where we want to change don't happen so we can forget that past, merely come to pain with it. Somehow, somewhere, it finds you again, and you feel the pain and have to be happy anyways. That's the hardest part. If you can do that, you can change, you're ready for that change.

I still can.

I was hanging out with Juliette and her friend Kat today. I went into my room to slip Pajamas on and I was walking to the door--the hallways are nice but they echo sound. No secrets in this house. I heard Kat's twangy voice, "....she's so weird. What the fuck do they do in Canada, anyway?"

"She's family," Juliette insisted. "She's always so like nice and everything."

"Her taste in music is DISGUSTING, too, know what I mean? She doesn't even like one direction! And it's like, whenever she fucking speaks it's shit that nobody even wants to know. It's like, what, you can't hold a normal conversation?"

"But she's pretty, though?" My faithful cousin, clinging to shreds. Why did I ever think I could fit in here?

"Pretty! You're joking. She wears antiques that are older than my grandmother. Worse, she likes them! No wonder she's single. Where did she go, anyway?"

I quietly opened the door and walked inside. I set Juliette's laptop on her bed and for a moment there's silence; I walked in like a queen.

"There's no need to say good-night," I said, my words thick. "I'm sure you have other words to use in conjunction with me." I glance at the weed on my cousin's bed. "Make sure to get rid of the smell this time, will you?"

I turned and left. It shouldn't hurt me this much when people I thought like me don't. It really shouldn't, that's life, you know? It makes me worried. What if that's why Juliette's other friends and I haven't met?

So I'm going to have a fling. A careless, angry, heartless fling where we end with fighting. I don't care who it is or if I like them, but I....

I want something I can hold on to when I feel like this. I do sometimes. I've been incredibly happy for nine days now and it's been a complete blessing, but pain catches up with me.... just like I said in the introduction to this post.

Yeah, see what I did there?


Don't worry, people-who-aren't-reading-this-shit-anyway. I have every intention of getting around it. I won't chicken out this soon, I've barely been here a week and this is just one tiny chip in my teacup.

Goodnight.