Wild: CLOP

So Katie made a friend, and introduced her to me
by tumblr, the fertile land of fandom for nerds
and it appears we like all the same stuff.

We played this stupid, horrible game I can't stop playing--
where you try to make a Unicorn run, actually--
called CLOP.

Game made me freaking crazy.

They were so kind.
We were just hanging in Ashley's living room,
doing tumblr, facebook, clop, laughing at youtube
and I realized that I could breathe.

Remembered the feeling of breathing is the best thing in the world.

Even with everything at home as stressful, as difficult as it is
I can do it if I have friends like that.

I'd never have gotten to where I am now without the people I have in my life.
Schultz, when she forced me to think like an "American" during highschool;
for keeping me humble and not acting like a fucking Queen all the time (harhar).
Finley, for looking at me like I were going out of style, for writing me stupid notes in Giant
Hannah Nathan, for laughing it off when I said the wrong thing,
for fairy-wing-wearing flocking trips and howling at the moon
Katie, for pulling me out of the throng and letting me rescue her---just once--
Johnny, for dancing backstage like our feet were on fire.
Dominic, for letting me answer his qualms with a smile, for letting me help.




Really, my life has been very stressful lately. I'm not throwing a pity party, mind you. I'm letting it go, trying to learn, adapt.







But I'm not a Canadian right now. I'm not American, either. I'm just.... me. It's been awhile. A long while, in fact. I think I could grow to like me, the way I'm supposed to be. There's nothing to call me back.










After mad-tumblr-party, Katie and I drove back to her apartment. I thought she'd take me home, but she didn't; we talked, we shook our heads to whatever c.d. she had in the drive, danced a little. We went inside. Katie murmured in disappointment that she couldn't keep doing the driving around thing because she didn't have the money for gas; I took note of it and reminded myself to buy her a gas card or two when she's not feeling so well. Good friends deserve adventures, after all.

"I don't feel like dancing anymore. I'm tired. Welcome to my life. Anyways, I'm going to bed," she announced cheerfully, walking towards the ugly chair in the corner and plucking the Prisoner of Azkaban off its cushions.

"Good night," I said obediently, a smile twitching at my lips.

But she didn't leave. She started reading. Katie started reading and I oddly found myself riveted to the story woven into my heart strings. I channeled the words, I saw it carry through in my head, and Katie read. And read. And read. A few times she'd pause, we'd discuss time-travel (for who better than Whovians to question J.K.'s handle of time?), plot holes, childhood moments, experiences....

I was so happy. Thought made the blood rush to my cheeks and the words poured from my tongue like raindrops.


We didn't finish the book. We got very close, but just stopped. Discussion pulled us away from the story. Katie went to bed.


When we woke this afternoon, a little after noon in fact, Katie was leaving for lunch with her mam. She was moving towards the door; the last of J.K.'s magic wrestled my tongue from silence.

"Thank you," I said abruptly.

"Mer?" She said, wheeling around to face me again, the keys jangling against her hand.

"Thank you," I repeated with a sheepish sort of smile. My heart exploded in my chest.

"For? What're you thanking me for?"

"Reading," I said, after a moment.

"Oh," she replied, blinking, her eyes twinkling with what an idiot I was and how much it amused her. "No problem."



So I got my stuff and walked to McDonald's, bought a soda (I was really low), and now I'm doing this. Playing CLOP, writing my story, tumblring. Trying to sneak a ride home from my Facebook friends.


I want to get home, though. I've Harry Potter books to read....









God, thank you for giving me friends. Thank you that they are good, kind people. Thank you, that they are safe, and will hopefully make it through their obstacles safely, as I have with mine.