Wild:

I want to claim what I was
but it isn't there, it fell
through a hole in the ground like your foot in a groundhog hole
snap

broken ankle.

I don't know what to do with this
myself, anymore
I feel like I didn't just fall in the hole, I tore at the dirt
I stand on the edge of the earth's crust, earth's crust
and nothing to look at but fire and anger

tears run down my face
because no matter what I Do, I lose
and I want to tear my fingers through my hair
because no one else will

except for blind devotion
which I cannot now and never will write off as love.

Fire that I cannot summon rain for
is just fire
is just rain

these tears

I want to be empty for the first time in my life
I want to not feel anything, let alone all I'm feeling
I want this basement to not be empty, I Want---



nothing.


Anymore. I can't want anything, can I? For a life I don't have, I Can't want?

I have that life plan that I read
so horribly-written, so simply human
and it doesn't give me hope, does it?

It doesn't give me anything, and neither does this.


Words on a page don't fuel me
neither does the fire that I stare at while I'm here
I want something to do, I want to walk in the sun
but the sun doesn't want me, does it?

Sometimes I feel like nobody does.

I want arms, I want someone to say, 'I see you, Payton,'
but they don't look.

I hold this porcelain fox, adjust his scarf
admire Sean's poetry.




















I don't know what to do
and this just hurts.