I used to get angry when I killed a conversation. Back then, I knew I had poor social skills (the whole "nobody was willing to talk to me for four years" thing didn't help), so I was responsible and that hurt me.
It's very different when I can tell by looking that I am the afterthought. That there's a careful pause while they wait for the pack leader to answer me.
Now I know I'm good. I spent years learning to be cultured and charming, civil, to swallow my bitterness and become a new person--with a very decent amount of success. On occasion, I am still treated the same (or in a very similar) way.... and that is frustrating. There's still the twinges of hurt, but now there's also a sense of confusion: I know I didn't do anything wrong.
But most of them want nothing to do with me.
Is that fair?
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