I’m afraid, Katie.
You are leaving me.
You are picking up your un-scattered life and walking away from me,
Walking away from magic.
If I know both the sun and moon
And love them both so much, so much
Then I must be the sky.
Katie, please don’t go.
Please don’t prove yourself common,
I beg you, please don’t go.
You are my thunder-heart,
And you will hurt me so much if you leave me--
So I’m begging you:
Please don’t go.
I know you’re sick of me.
I see my presence grating at the sides of your eyeballs
Like cheese over a salad,
My time’s running out.
I know I have Finley.
I never doubt him, because he’s mine.
I’ve known for quite some time he isn’t leaving me.
Not you.
I fear every day and every night that I have lost you,
I wake and check my cell in case I’ve missed your voice.
Katie, when you came to see me at two a.m. and I woke at your text,
It’s because I was waiting for it.
Waiting for you.
Katie, I’m always waiting for you.
There’s a feeling I get when I’m near you that means everything to me,
That feeling that, if I read these words aloud, my voice would be cutting and raw
And I would cry.
But you don’t love me that way.
Not the way I love you.
I’m beginning to realize it, and it took me some time
And it’s killing me.
Killing me.
I look at you with fear, waiting for the hurt to start…
I don’t want to be hurt again.
Please, please don’t hurt me.
Please, somehow find time for this conversation I’m afraid to have.
You aren’t Finley.
You’ve said you’re no man’s constant,
But I want you to be mine.
Constant in my life,
Like the warmth in summer.
I don’t want forever,
I just one you near me for one life.
That might seem a long time, but I still want you to live
I’m just begging you not to leave me
Because I love you.
God, I could stand at the top of a mountain and scream that at the top of my lungs
And it wouldn’t matter if you don’t love me back.
You say you do and you do, you’re no liar
But not the way, no, never the way that I love you,
From the depths of me, from the endless depths of me
I love you.
I love you every morning and I love you every night.
Every breath is love for you, every blink to see you again.
I ache with it.
Nights like tonight, when I’m driven to tears by your absence
Terrify me, because I know that if you knew
If you really understood how much I cared
You wouldn’t run, but you’d shut yourself from me.
You are afraid to love me like I love you,
Even if I try to explain it’s ‘Plutonic’,
It’s just endless love,
That doesn’t matter to you.
And I love you, Katie.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you so much.
Looking around my empty room--
Truly empty; no books and no clothing, no writings, no bears
I wish my heart were empty too
It’s painful, Katie, this heartbreak you cause me
I wish I could just shut it out--
No more pain and no more tears, no more life of empty fears.
My heart aches.
There’s a pin in my heart,
Someone’s set fire to it,
Someone has pierced me with an arrow,
Stopped the air from my heart’s breath,
Ended me.
Every moment I think of you leaving, that’s what happens.
And I do.
Because you are.
I’m watching you walk away from me,
Powerless to stop it,
And I weep.
“I'm no unicorn, no magical creature. I'm a woman, and I love you, Lir. Don't let him change me! Lir, I will not love you when I'm a unicorn.”
“Amalthea, don't…”
“Then let the quest end here! I don't think I could change you back, even if you wished it. Marry the prince, and live happily ever after.”
“Yes, that is my wish.”
“No. My lady, I am a hero. Heroes know that things must happen when it is time for them to happen. A quest may not simply be abandoned; unicorns may go unrescued for a long time, but not forever. A happy ending cannot come in the middle of the story.”
“But what if there isn't a happy ending?”
“There are no happy endings, because nothing ends.”
“Schmendrick, let her stay the way she is. Let her be…”
“That's not in the story. Lir knows that, and so does she.”
“You don't care! You don't care what happens to her or to the others, just so you're a real magician at last. You don't care-”
“Well I wish I didn't care! I wish to God I didn't care about anything but my magic! But I do! I do.”
Oh, pray you.
Please, Katie.
Don’t let it end with us like it did for my Amalthea and my Lir,
My poor Amalthea, my poor Lir.
He wanders alone with his battered armor,
Searching for a glimpse of her white pelt
But she fears too much to look at him
And he dies alone in her woods.
Oh, my heart…. My aching, aching heart…
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