Special

Sometimes, I dream about seduction.

A silent creeping towards my bedside... a harsh overtone, a growl.... fingers against my face.... clothes on the floor.... screaming... blood dripping from my neck or arms....


But in the end, I wake up, face flushed, clutching my sheets, sweat dripping as I sit up.


But I'm always alone. Always ugly.


I sigh, get up, and watch the Golden Girls.



Who'd want to talk to me? Touch me?





After rehearsal today, everybody made plans with one another. They left me, smiling, laughing, forgetting I existed.

Finley took me home and leaned against me and cried, totally broken by life without any other reason than he's only happy with me, angry and sad when he isn't, and worried about a million things. Talked to Katie. She's taking me to Church tomorrow.



Maybe I won't feel so lonely that way.

Maybe...