Special

I am disappointed and hurt by reality today. I worked and painted and screwed and made braces and tried, tried really hard, for Katie. That part made me happy, that I was of use, that I was needed--! What made me unhappy is the tremendous amount of drama that goes on. I'm not even talking Katie and Kate, that's going on for a very justifiable reason. I'm more talking about Val being bossy, Molly crying her eyes out just 'cuz, my friend the Schultz trying so hard not to be angry about the happiness of those naive stereotypical high school couples with me seeing the pain in-eye, the looks she and Hannah give each other that I can't help....

I felt useless, so I tried twice as hard. We got stuff done, but in the end...

When I'd walk up to the little back-of-auditorium group Schultz had, it got real quiet once it was just her and Hannah. Like they were talking about things they didn't trust me to hear. That insulted me, that stung. I understand Schultz has been scarred by things in the past--more than that is impolite to discern, though if you've read this blog, you know I could--but happy people certainly don't go out of their way to flaunt that in front of her. If anything, a lot of people want her to be with someone that makes her happy. I hope she finds that.... she deserves it.

I'm so angry at the silence in the eyes of my friend and hero.....

Because I deserve trust. I will soothe the hearts of men, if they were only mine to soothe.