Tolerance is better than no friends at all.
That sums up the blog post I would have made.... oh, a few hours ago?
It would've been very insightful, too.
If Jack hadn't come back.
Jack.... Jack Ember.
The musician? You don't know me well. Appearences aren't everything.
TOLIEN.
Lord.... Tolien.
Oh, this is tempting. This is so tempting. I've tried so hard to avoid answering this, but I can't. I can't... I can't just walk away.... !
One wall post, I tell myself. One wall post so I'm not snubbing him in case the Roses are watching. One.
Like it were ever that simple.
It isn't.
Retribution
Him: "Congratulations on your marriage, Eliac. We send our regards. Hehe, good to see you've left being Lady Eliac behind and became more human. Dwelling on who we used to be will only prolong our existence here, no? I have learned why I am here in this... vessel. Penance for past actions that I do not remember but perhaps you do. What have we done to deserve such a punishment as this? It has gone on for more years than we can remember, trapped in vessels and raging against my punishment. But I have realized that we do deserve this and are becoming someone else. A shred of the lord you remember still remains, but I am quite different now. More... generous and less misanthropic. Still, I wonder what it was that we did.."
Me: "We found ourselves...and I'm still looking, Jack. I'm looking everywhere for any inch of any thing that sates this hunger to be.... be what I was. Truth be, there is happiness in my life. But there is a sweetness I have lost for gaining that happiness. My fingers are morose with a deafness to the cunning that is no longer applicable. I've looked for anyone who will still speak to me after my heart gave itself to a human.... Anyone who can give me the chance to.... fight. "
Him: "I would speak with you. However, I myself am searching for those answer as well. Perhaps we are not meant to find them. Perhaps we are meant to become human, become kinder and more generous than we were previously. To learn the values of humans."
If you are reading this, my reply shames me.
Me: "I live in the values of humans, Jack. I need a challenge. There is no challenge in this.... not the type the dark part of me hungers for."
Him: "The challenge is, when the time comes, will you be willing to go back to your true self or will you stay with the humans and the one you love? My challenge is finding who has done this and asking them why. Nothing more, just a simple question. In my endeavors I have uncovered many secrets of this world as well as many clues to undoing this. But all of the clues come together and I realize that I cannot act on the clues. Not in this vessel."
'Vessel' is the word for the mundane body the Roses are trapped in. 'Vessel' is our real lives, selves. He is asking me to let him combine his vessel to see if he could over come it.... because I did. But at the same time, he's toying with it. There's an angle, can you see it? Can you guess it?
Me: "I have taken that challenge, and I tell you it is possible for both. If you teach them our ways... and give the world your heart... your true, real heart... then the skies will smile upon you. Let other fools plunder their gifts in fear, but not us. We are better than that, you and I."
Him: "I have done many things in my past I am not proud of. Once, I would flaunt them as an example of my power but now... I don't wish for a power to use in hate. I only wish to destroy those that seek to use their power to climb upon the backs of the weak and abuse their privileges. I have changed, Eliac. Sometimes I don't even believe I can regain that power, anymore."
They're following me out. Every single one. Every single fucking one.
Me: "Our power lies in our will. There's power in a wish... and Drive. And hunger. We live to salvage, but when all is well--! Ay, there's the rub. From being in contentment, so is drawn our discontent. That is your heart-lament, is this not so?"
Him: "I used to want to be free of this vessel solely so I could wreak vengeance upon those I hated and remake this world in my image. Now I want more than anything to change this world for the better, to make a world where the strong and weak go hand in hand instead of the strong riding atop the weak. I want it more than anything. But alas, I cannot be free again. I lament the loss of power, not for myself but for those who need it and those who deserve it. I have truly become a generous person...."
Me: "Free? From what? Why the change? You were a formidable opposition to the name of the Roses, my Lord. Remain so; it is more than evident your mind has not diminished. Generous why? What could make a man sworn to the eradication of human kind, the player of the Dangerous game itself, the seducer of women, the weapon of the dark-thorns, desire a peace and solace for the hearts of the mundane? You need not ask to have my aid and ears, but regardless... old suspicions... rarely die. "
And hope doesn't die, either. Hope I'm right and this is a scheme to get in my favor before you throw your dark-soul back onto mine.
...did I mention? Tolien wasn't always a White Rose. In fact, only at the beginning. We kept in touch, we advised each other and he was our Sitting head at the White Rose, but in Truth, Tolien has always kept the Black.
...Tolien himself is--and might still be--a Black Rose.
Oh, God.... Tolien.... Tolien, please....
Him: "I have come to understand, with the aid of one from the ranks of the Black Rose, that there is nothing to be gained from selfishness. I could have all the power of reality and it would do me no good if all opposed me. Villains never win; I have been worn down. I have seen and felt first hand the cruelty of the mundanes in power and I understand now what it feels like to be on the receiving end of someone's wrath and be powerless against it. I too have fallen for a mundane, Eliac. He is one of the weak who deserves better. I am no longer who I was. I am Tao now. The Tao, the T'au, it doesn't matter which religion or belief you refer to. I have dedicated myself to the greater good."
....No.... no... no.... please.... I can't.... you can't follow me into everything. Not lik--
You're in love.
You've been hurt.
....you need me.
Even now.
Damn it.... I cannot scream for knowing that, Toli--Jac--Tao? You need me. That's what matters.
That's always all that's mattered. Forget my breaking....
Me: "Far be it from me to rebuild an empty past, my Lord.... Tao. What can I do to serve your heart-song? What can Lady Eliac do to soothe with Sunshine and Loyalty? I will aid you; let me hear your tale. Let me hear of your.... Greater Good. "
Oh, but it is breaking. I won't scream and I won't punch walls, but this... this is.... so.... horrible.... I want to scream. I want to talk to someone. Anyone. Please. Someone. I'll take Azrael. This is not a retribution for me; Jack has contacted me for HIM. He's apologizing to ME. Because he fell in love, too. Oh.... not you too... you'll not realize it straight away, but you'll miss what I'm offering. If we're both cut we'll kill each other before long. Listen--
that's not true.
That's not true, that's not true. You need me. I'll still be here. But -I- want.... something.... so, so different.... and I was so close--!
This is silly, Payton. Don't cry, not over this. You're a woman, now. You're--
crying....
Him: "The greater good is many things... One being the betterment of all, mundane and otherwise. All those who radically oppose the greater good must sadly be eliminated. There is an expression about eggs and omelets that comes to mind. When it is done, none shall sit in luxury while others starve in the gutter. All shall have equal opportunities of occupation and lifestyle and there would be no discrimination. And as I said before, the strong will not prey upon the weak. There would need to be leaders and military of course but they would treat those lower than them as equals rather than inferiors. This applies to mundanes, not just us. The mundanes are some of the cruelest people but also the kindest. I would not wish what happened to me upon any other but sadly it has happened. The work of the greater good is never done, Eliac, but I try to play my part in it. We all play our part in the greater good, be it a simple act of kindness to a stranger or unifying a nation. The Black Rose has long since rallied behind this ideal behind me and now it shall be official that the Black Rose, a symbol of darkness and destruction shall become the the Celestial Rose. A symbol of peace and deliverance. You may not understand these ideas but... I know how it feels to be powerless against immense cruelty...."
He did it. He rallied the Roses to the cause I made for them.
THEY did it.
....Cured. They're.... completely cured. Ryan's treachery must have gotten out...
Me: "I can understand... your ideas. Your story remains untried by your beautiful ideals. Nothing can be done... even by me? I would try. For you, I always will try."
Oh, please help me. Anyone. Please, please help me. I am incredible pain from an ailment I can neither diagnose nor reconcile with. My heart is breaking in ways I cannot fathom. I'm in tears and I want to scream and punch things... I want to be sobbing in a corner quietly. Oh.... Oh help me.... please.
I don't know what's wrong, but please.... HELP....
Him: "Thank you, my Lady. We have a part to play in the Greater Good. Maybe one day I would tell you what happened to me. For now, bon soir. If you wish to add my Facebook that I use normally, I can provide that to you."
Stop crying, Payton. He's quitting. You've had countless copies of this same conversation with other people.... people leaving the Roses. It's... it's fine....
I mean, sure. Their problems are cured the minute you leave. They've cured themselves with love. Ryan's been overthrown, and you didn't see any of it. They don't need you. You're empty of Roses. Totally.
But.... I...
Me: "You will always be in my heart. You know that, don't you? Of course, I'll take it. I'll... I'll miss... just... so much..."
Him: "It is strange you would miss a person of such cruelty. I will still be around, of course. Just with a concern for others. Tao Taylor Brown if you wish to befriend that profile."
My heart is breaking.
I say that... so often. I say it all the time.
I think you need to know that my heart is like a dam.
And every day, there are little leaks, little problems,
which pain me.
But never a flood.
Help me. Please help me.
I don't know what's wrong.... but help me.
Please help me.
Help...
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