Special

I fit into peoples' lives.
They do not fit into mine, for I make space for them
I cut edges here and sew a seam there to make their hearts in line with mine.
It is frusterating to know that truth and be powerless against it.
Especially when I am jealous or feel lonely,
even when I'm surrounded by people who once swore friendship.
It isn't that what I have isn't enough,
it's that what I have isn't entirely there to begin with.
Old rejections are coming into being real again
and it hurts me.
I
am powerless.


If you stabbed me in the shoulder,
and then you got a paper cut in the letter to me reading 'FUCK YOURSELF',
I'd get you a band-aid before I asked you to call an ambulance.

You can't answer my calls?

And of course, others of you never cared to begin with
the one that did is busy (angels always are)
and my hero is busy communicating with others like me.
Finley's there. Finley's there....

But he's not here now.
No one is, except the flamingo I'm turning into a pirate later.

God, I want to kill something
but I'll manage to kick something and scream into a pillow.

Quiet, Payton.
Be gentle, Payton...