Special

"Payton? Remind me to give you a hug for that letter. It was the sweetest thing ever."
You got it, Erin. Always.

Today, I was talking with Jacob Byrnes and his semi-possessive girlfriend, and Schultz came walking towards us. The smell of paint was tainted by the sound of the showchoir rehearsals in the auditorium; sun wafted in the windows like kindness, and I saw her.

She was looking at me, like there were something really important she had to say
and she hugged Jacob, and she greeted hilary
(the familiar relationship mis-approval eyebrow knit present of course)
and then she hugged me.

Now understand, I've hugged Schultz before
but this time she really meant it
because she didn't let go for a really long time
and she kept murmuring hello's in my ears,
and her well-shaped shoulders were trembling.

Welcome home, Schultz, I wanted to say,
but I didn't.
The words choked and died in my throat as I wrapped my arms around my hero
and gave her my heart without the words.

I don't think
they were needed here;
not today.

Not for Schultz.

I felt this big ball of hope,
like things would be the way they were before
and love--my type of love--from Schultz,
for us.

For people like Jacob and I,
John, Hannah, Katie, Kya
all of them who cared enough to work after she was gone
and I felt it.

I felt it, and before I could process it, she was hugging me
and I knew she loved me.

I think she missed me.

Oh, maybe no more than the others
but she did, she really did
and I never thought that Schultz would, I guess.

It gave me a happiness I cannot describe to you
because I saw the total need for seeing somebody like me in her eyes
--no, I don't mean it in the weird way it sounds--
and felt it when she hugged me.

Ergo,
I say it now:
Welcome home, Schultz.
Welcome home.