Special: I'm being avoided :(

I'm sorry I'm a coward, but please try and understand:
I'd tell you if I thought you'd listen,
tell you if I thought you'd care.
Whoever you are, I don't think you'll read this
don't think you know me;
don't think you want to.

I want to know you, though.
Tell me who you are.
Tell me what you've done wrong.


It if helps, I forgive you
no matter what you said
no matter what you almost said
to these verse-made words of mine.

If it helps, I love you
no matter what you've done
no matter what you've said to me
no matter how many times you've hurt me
I love you.


I'm a coward---

Oh....
That's right, I forgot...
you've already walked away.


I feel alone, and today,
I hate myself. I hate that I'm too much a coward to talk to Kate. I tried today. I started to walk up to her and she smiled--a big, horrible smile-for-smiling smile, with her eyes all crinkly--and kept walking. Didn't say a word. Didn't return my wave, didn't let the smile reach her eyes.


I hate myself for hurting you. I only meant you shouldn't hate yourself. I only meant you're beautiful.... and I don't think as many people would pass you over as you would think. I want to hold you when your heart hurts, when you hate yourself for uncertainty or fear or what you think should be punishment or penance. Please trust me. Tell me what's wrong, Kate. I want to listen.


I'm too cowardly
to say those words
and she wouldn't listen if I did.

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate that I'm a coward....



She wouldn't read this if I asked, anyway. I can't help, and I want to.... someone must be responsible for the ones I love. That's God... but I want to help anyway, God. I want to share my happiness with the people I'd give my lives for, trust for.


I'm sorry I'm a coward....