Special

Had lunch with Katie today. She seemed both bored and distracted. At least I got to see her, though. I miss her when she isn't around. Worked on my lines like crazy after school, and Finley brought me food an hour before rehearsal, and I looked at lines some more... and of course, I forget them THE MOMENT I walk onstage. :/ Wasted hours, I guess. I'll work hard, though. I tried to focus on my volume and my firmness and being Beatrice in general tonight; it was easier when I was working with April. I guess because I'm not afraid of April meaning what she says...

Four people said hello to me in the hallways today. Kate still didn't wave. I don't even lift my head up anymore when she walks by me, like I do with others who smile or give some small acknowledgment. She hates me, and I've got to learn to accept that. They don't know how much that means, but it means something to me, and it always has.

Today at rehearsal, Ms. Schultz taught us all about the power of neutrality and stillness. She seemed almost... gentle... with me. She seemed... happy. With me. I'm not used to that. I'm used to leaving play practice feeling like I've been shot. I hope it lasts, because I don't like feeling that I've been shot emotionally.  It isn't... a pleasant feeling. I didn't miss it.

I'm going to do homework, start painting my portfolio, and doing Act two lines and THEN act one, given we're doing two tomorrow. I really want to work hard for this show.

I got a ride home with April. She didn't really have a lot to say; I think she was trying to figure me out. She'd never seen me when I wasn't afraid to say something out loud, like I have been at play practice... a lot... lately. So I told her about work, when I was a Spook at Schuster's, and I told her about Johnny being silly and Finley being kind. I spun a web of Payton, and she wore it like a cloak.. and that surprised me. April-and-Morgan are so adorable as friends... they're best-friend loves. They're close-now soulmates. It makes me happy to see it.


Still... I hope it lasts. I want it to last, I really do.

Please?

Embarrassing, though, that I didn't get to shower this morning. :/ In-between Taylor's low and my crappy phone, it didn't work out. I felt gross ALL DAY. Ugh.