Ask and you shall receive.
People are so mean to my teachers. Like Mrs. Lee. People are totally and truly terrible to her. They stab her when she tries to give them a skill, and she suffers for it. That isn't right.
I hung out with Katie today. It makes me happy to see her smile. When I got to her apartment after she picked me up from one of my more shitty days at School, I helped her with a little housekeeping. Nothing over-the-top, just a few small chores... something to help her, just a little. A solid thing to needle away. I worry about my friend now that I have one. I suppose that's a natural thing. I thought maybe I could tell her a few interesting things about me, because there are one or two, but she needed me... it wasn't a big problem to solve.
Not talking about me, that is. Hannah Nathan came over and I was charming and gentle, because that's what Hannah needs, and docile and lady-like with Brad, because that's what he needs. It's funny that Hannah needs stable and Brad needs tradition; from those brief moments, I have a little hope for their hearts so-woven. Katie and I ate dinner together, too. She told me about Kate and alcohol, and I listened. I did my best to be myself and make her a little happier, and the more I think about it, the more I talk about success.
Katie had joked several times throughout the evening that I was her ''rentable wife''. As we got into that charming red car of hers, I said the trouble was with rentable wives was that when you didn't need them, you stopped hiring. Katie told me that she'd always remember I helped her... that we'd always be friends while she managed to. Said it'd probably help that, just in case things worked out with Kate, we talked about other things. So I tried to tell her what I feared, and then her phone rang... and then it was Kate a little while more.
She dropped me off. I'd spent time with her, I guess I can't rob her of important conversations with Kate. It shouldn't hurt. It was just... she opened her phone to see a text with Kate and read it to me before I got out of her car and said good-bye. I think she really wants me to know what she's feeling. I want to more than understand, though. She's such a good person and good friend. My friend...
I'd take it from her, if I could. I really would. But I can't. I don't know how. In the end, she hugged me good-bye. It makes me happy to get hugs from people. I have a weird heart-happiness when I cuddle people. I know that sounds, like, border-line sexual, but it's not that. It's more being close to them... more knowing that most all people take comfort in a lovingly-offered arm. It's a simple gift of self to another person, and it means a lot to me. It's why I let Johnny snuggle against me when we watch movies. He cries when we do, because he knows my secret, too. Not fully, but a little... rather like comparing me to Chris when it comes to Katie's heart-hurts right now. He knows I won't tell anyone. Knows he'll be safe with me...
Finley is, too. I just have to remember that I'm not what Katie needs right now. She needs ears and someone else to bounce things off of, like Doctor House. Not me. Payton may be helpful, but I'm not really needed myself. She doesn't need to help people, and knows I can live without being helped. It's just that I always feel pushed that the people I love and know know me, too. And I shouldn't force myself down her throat like this. It's very wrong of me.
I'll stick to what she wants for now. I'll help her keep her apartment... dream of "Sing, sweet Nightingale..." Let Katie play her guitar.
Let her be all right, please, God.
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